I can’t believe I have been sober 3 years and 9 months so far. It doesn’t feel that long ago when I would come home from work every day anticipating the first drink to help me relax. It would have been fine if I could have stopped at one drink, but it was not possible for me. I would get out my wine glass and put in like 2 or 3 shots of vodka, then add wine, then add sparkling water to the brim. By bed time I would have drunk down 5 of those drinks which actually is like 20 drinks…almost 15 shots of vodka and 5 glasses of wine. I was drinking that much every day after work. I could feel my liver hurting. I thank God that I was able to stop this madness before I lost everything and before I killed myself. Yet, sometimes very rarely I still wish I could drink, but the thought does not last for long. It is a fantasy that I could only have one drink a day. I know I would go back into that death spiral if I started drinking again. And it is so incredibly difficult to come out of that once you are in it. I would not wish that on anyone.
I have come so far and regained my health. I feel so good physically and mentally that there is no way I want to drink again because I would just end up on my deathbed. If you have just a little sobriety or a lot, don’t look back to the drinking days, just keep your focus on the future and the new goals you have set. I want to make new memories with my husband traveling the world. I want to plan for retirement. I want to spend more time with family, play tennis, play golf, go camping and hiking. I can’t do any of those things if I am drinking alcohol. I don’t need a drink to relax these days. I just go sun bathing on my deck with a nice cold sparkling water or cozy up on the couch with a coffee or hot chocolate and it feels great. I didn’t want to live anymore when I had to quit alcohol. But I didn’t want to lose my job. I love my job of being a musician in the Air Force. My job was my first motivation to quit. Eventually I wanted to keep sober for me. You have to motivate yourself to stay sober. You have to find that motivation. If you don’t’ care about you, then find another motivation to stay sober like I did. Don’t fall victim to addiction. It can be overcome. If I overcame it, you can too.